Time does move profoundly fast occasionally. It's only been 12 days since my last post, though, so I seem to have caught it reasonably quickly this time. I would like to return to posting at least once per week, but that may or may not occur, truthfully.. I just don't have terribly much to say about much of anything.
The power went out due to the rather insane windstorm this previous Sunday, so that was interesting. Classes start next Wednesday, so that should be interesting. I think I may discuss my work, there, on here. Someone might find it fun to read. Meanwhile, I think I've officially decided that Photography is my latest hobby. Of course, I doubt anyone would be particularly surprised by that.
My next major purchase is going to be a vehicle, of some form. I need more reliable transportation from point to point, so hopefully I'll be able to gather up enough funding to purchase myself a small beater that'll do when necessary. Beyond that, I'll probably start saving for Photo gear and/or a Laptop. Both, I think, would serve me well.
So, I've been contemplating the intersection of Ethics and Journalism as of late.. I find it interesting that it seems the code of ethics that sit within Journalism's walls is slowly disappearing. Faded by corporate interests and power grabs, it seems that a large piece of modern journalism just entirely misses the point.
I suspect this has to do with the return to individuals standing on their soapboxes, preaching about whatever ills them. In addition to this, there's an insidious creep across the board of people trying to talk about incredibly complex issues and missing entire pieces of it. To really talk about some modern issues, you truly need to comprehend it from multiple places. I wish I could give concrete examples of this, but as of right now it's just an idea that's bouncing around and kind of sinking a root or two into my deeper thoughts. If you want more, go read up on Media Bias.
On yet another random topic, I need to pursue personal fitness more thoroughly. Once I get more of the apartment clean, especially either my bedroom or the living room, I think I may start doing a minor workout routine. Additionally, I suspect it would behoove me to start going for bike rides occasionally.
Finally, I have an idea for an article about the vagaries of Ni and Ne bouncing about.. I may work on that later, but it strikes me as being a similar form of miscommunication as there stands between Ti and Te. It isn't always a negative thing, but it can definitely cause misunderstandings. Generally, I suspect, in intent. More on that later.
Randomly long post for you, if you have any thoughts, drop me a line.
Contemplations of a Tainted Mind
Showing posts with label MBTI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MBTI. Show all posts
9.16.2008
8.18.2008
Happiness and People
So, they offered me a job with the caveat that I would need to commit to some amount of overtime. I took it. If I can keep myself balanced, I can withstand this job. That, mind you, is the crux of it all.. I've started realizing what I need to do to keep myself balanced, but it isn't always easy. One big thing, is I need a more active social life. It's been slowly growing, but it still isn't large enough.
On this note, I've been wondering about something.. I often come across as an Introvert. I've been contemplating if my deep introversion through High School might not have had something to do with middle/junior high school.. all of the fighting I got into, I wound up basically hating everything around me and it's rather hard to extravert when you feel nothing but rage for 95% of the people around you. I might be wrong, but it just seems like the events line up.. once I got into High School, I was basically already shut down.
I guess the point of this.. is that I've been slowly working and kneading myself into a new mold. I'm sick of being an irritable introvert, truthfully. I actually -like- being outgoing and sociable. I mean, regardless of how you look at it, I do know I'm an extravert. I think that my self-image is in such disrepair that I feel like a fool for being outgoing.. that strikes me as an inherently stressful arrangement. "Hey! I love being outgoing! But I feel like an idiot for doing it!"
I've realized that being a fool really.. isn't that bad.
So, my goal as of late is to just consume new things. As Jared says, I've become a Consumer Whore. ^_^ When I go and meet new people, talk to strangers.. go dancing at Axis.. I feel absolutely rejuvenated. It's just energizing.. the problem, truthfully, is that I just don't have enough links.. enough of a network, to really get to many new people. I'm hoping taking classes will help alleviate that a bit.
Anywho. That's that. Life's going reasonably well in my futile little existence.
On this note, I've been wondering about something.. I often come across as an Introvert. I've been contemplating if my deep introversion through High School might not have had something to do with middle/junior high school.. all of the fighting I got into, I wound up basically hating everything around me and it's rather hard to extravert when you feel nothing but rage for 95% of the people around you. I might be wrong, but it just seems like the events line up.. once I got into High School, I was basically already shut down.
I guess the point of this.. is that I've been slowly working and kneading myself into a new mold. I'm sick of being an irritable introvert, truthfully. I actually -like- being outgoing and sociable. I mean, regardless of how you look at it, I do know I'm an extravert. I think that my self-image is in such disrepair that I feel like a fool for being outgoing.. that strikes me as an inherently stressful arrangement. "Hey! I love being outgoing! But I feel like an idiot for doing it!"
I've realized that being a fool really.. isn't that bad.
So, my goal as of late is to just consume new things. As Jared says, I've become a Consumer Whore. ^_^ When I go and meet new people, talk to strangers.. go dancing at Axis.. I feel absolutely rejuvenated. It's just energizing.. the problem, truthfully, is that I just don't have enough links.. enough of a network, to really get to many new people. I'm hoping taking classes will help alleviate that a bit.
Anywho. That's that. Life's going reasonably well in my futile little existence.
8.12.2008
Meandering Thoughts
It's hard to believe it's been an entire month since the last time I've updated. My grasp on time is faulty, at best, it seems.. and it's been rather grossly expounded upon the past couple weeks. Once I realized that 3 months had slid past, luckily, life slowed down momentarily. Reality has such a kind way of dragging you more slowly when you start yelling at it for going to fast.
I recently read a fascinating, 9-page writeup on ENTPs.. and it made me realize something. When it comes to MBTI, people assume far more similarities between the types than truly exist. A type is a pacakge, just because they have a function in the same spot as another type, it doesn't mean they're that similar in other respects. A type is the coherent synthesis of all 8 types in order of preference.. so if you muss with 4 of those functions, you're suddenly 50% different.
-- totally lost train of thought here --
So, an interesting thing that amuses me are two metaphors I've found myself using frequently. One is the Shotgun Metaphor. Because, well, it works. So, Dani and Mike are INTJ's. This is basically just like me, only all kinds of turned about. See, at every step where I'm ogling the world, they're staring at their pancreas. Where I'm poking around the mushiness of my brain, they're humping fenceposts. (As a side note, I don't think there's any sort of plural form of Pancreas. Weird.) Anywho, the point here is that where all of my lovely INxx friends use, effectually, sniper rifles, I prefer to use a Shotgun. Where they want one target, I want as many targets as I can conceivably get in one shot. The downside to this is that I tend to intake a lot of crap. The upside is that I tend to get things they miss. You get more good with the bad when you're trying to get everything.
I find this metaphor interesting because it very accurately describes how I approach numerous things compared to all 4 of my closest friends. They all tend towards more specificity in what they do. I tend towards more generality.
The other metaphor is that of Atlas. I don't know why, but that's kind of what my whole life feels like right now. Instead of the world, though, it's like I'm trying to lift an intricate network of threads of varying sizes. Each thread being some important aspect to my life.. and I feel like I'm trying to lift this whole network of them simultaneously, because I can't really do it individually. It strikes me as being a rather herculean affair, heh.
I recently read a fascinating, 9-page writeup on ENTPs.. and it made me realize something. When it comes to MBTI, people assume far more similarities between the types than truly exist. A type is a pacakge, just because they have a function in the same spot as another type, it doesn't mean they're that similar in other respects. A type is the coherent synthesis of all 8 types in order of preference.. so if you muss with 4 of those functions, you're suddenly 50% different.
-- totally lost train of thought here --
So, an interesting thing that amuses me are two metaphors I've found myself using frequently. One is the Shotgun Metaphor. Because, well, it works. So, Dani and Mike are INTJ's. This is basically just like me, only all kinds of turned about. See, at every step where I'm ogling the world, they're staring at their pancreas. Where I'm poking around the mushiness of my brain, they're humping fenceposts. (As a side note, I don't think there's any sort of plural form of Pancreas. Weird.) Anywho, the point here is that where all of my lovely INxx friends use, effectually, sniper rifles, I prefer to use a Shotgun. Where they want one target, I want as many targets as I can conceivably get in one shot. The downside to this is that I tend to intake a lot of crap. The upside is that I tend to get things they miss. You get more good with the bad when you're trying to get everything.
I find this metaphor interesting because it very accurately describes how I approach numerous things compared to all 4 of my closest friends. They all tend towards more specificity in what they do. I tend towards more generality.
The other metaphor is that of Atlas. I don't know why, but that's kind of what my whole life feels like right now. Instead of the world, though, it's like I'm trying to lift an intricate network of threads of varying sizes. Each thread being some important aspect to my life.. and I feel like I'm trying to lift this whole network of them simultaneously, because I can't really do it individually. It strikes me as being a rather herculean affair, heh.
7.11.2008
Organizational Thoughts -- Introverted Thinking
So, I have a few interesting ideas on Introverted Thinking (Ti). Primarily Ti is your framework of classifications and categorizations. It is essentially your dictionary and thesaurus. When you see something, you look it up. If you want to know how two things relate, you use a thesaurus. Most people understand this much, the real question is how do you use it?
I primarily use my Introverted Thinking in close association with my Extraverted Intuition. I will attempt to excise the one from the other as much as possible, but I can't make any promises. I am, after all, a tad biased. Introverted Thinking is a series of Filters, Archetypes and Templates. These pieces are related to one another. These pieces, together with the threads of logic form the complete framework. This logic tends to be as objective as any person can truly be internally. We will start with the Filters.
Filters
Filters sit on the precipice of the unconscious. They decide if something is important enough to pass into the framework or if it is simply detritus that should be discarded. These filters tend to adjust and rearrange themselves, essentially forming sets, depending upon what kind of situation I'm in. If I'm driving a car, I pay attention to the signs along the road. If I'm reading a book, I ignore most of the world around me. As an aside, this is, hopefully, as close to the Perception side of my Ti-Ne complex as I get, as this is where the information is generally passed between the membranes. From these initial filters, the information then goes through hundreds of subconscious filters. The role of these filters is to categorize the data; each filter narrows the final location of the information until it has passed through every relevant filter and finally settles at its location in the framework.
At this point, I think you can see one of the two major distinguishing factors in how 'developed' Ti is in a person. With people who have a substantially lower preference for Ti than those that do, I suspect that these filters tend to either not always be accurate or they tend to have far fewer and thus do a much worse job of categorization. For instance, say you see the color purple but have a filter which decides 'red' or 'blue'. This could cause an issue and wind up misplacing 'purple' in the overall framework. That is, of course, a grossly simplistic comparison, but I feel it is one that makes the point. These filters generally can be anything from simple boolean ordeals to massive logic gates that have dozens of requirements and exclusions.
Archetypes
An archetype is defined as the original from which others are copied. In this instance, Archetypes define how you frame your world. They are the scaffolds of the mental framework. From my own history, Archetypes tend to be represented by articles in the real world. Each place in my framework is derived from the interaction of these Archetypes. The interesting thing about these is that as we gather empirical data and build the framework, we eventually 'evolve' new archetypes from our knowledge. The end result tends to be that once the Introverted Thinking has received enough evidence, it will build a new niche for a given bit of knowledge.
These units exist because we need something to base the rest of our knowledge from. They are, effectually, the seeds that have grown our tree of knowledge. In most instances, one of the largest differences between two people seems to derive from the conflict between completely different perspectives. These perspectives can be defined by the archetypes a person has chosen to use in his or her rational framework. Archetypes tend to govern how we truly view the world around us. As near as I can tell, all things we perceive and internalize are defined within ourselves as a set of differences and relations with our Archetypes. When we meet a person that cannot fit within an Archetype, they appear to be entirely alien and almost impossible to truly understand.
Templates
Now, to refine the view from Archetype to Real Information, the Filters aren't just enough. Templates are created by Ti as packages of Filters and Relationships. A template has a set of requirements to fit into it, which are based from its core filters. But once those requirements are realized, the mind extrapolates the rest of the information and fills in the details, essentially bypassing a portion of the filtering system. The second major function of these templates is relational. These templates are compound differences from archetypes and other templates. For instance, the template for 'human' is part of 'mammal' but distinct from 'fish'.
Let's say that I have an apple. When I first view this apple, my mind is collecting the discrete details of it, gathering its shape, skin, and color. These details all flow into my mind and pool, ready for the functions to take over. It is at this point that the Introverted Thinking snaps up these details and starts to place them into the framework. It takes the templates and realizes that this object is an apple. Now, because it's an apple, it then realizes that it is also a fruit, a plant, edible, and numerous other categorical and relational details.
These templates and archetypes are the second major signifying factor between people who strongly prefer Introverted Thinking and those who don't. The more a person uses and interacts with this category and relation framework, the more templates and archetypes they build up. Additionally, they become far more accurate and altogether quicker at working.
Final Thoughts
In some sense, this accuracy is the same as tasting a million bananas so you know for certain what just one will taste like. As this whole framework gathers its data, it refines each point until it can start guessing other points more effectively. It’s a very continuous, self-correcting process. In terms of communication, it also likes to cause the largest problems. When you’ve learned to define a given word with a given concept or abstraction, you generally assume that most people will have similar definitions. You certainly can’t assume they’re identical, but that they’re at least similar enough to function coherently together. Unfortunately, this is what causes a frequent breakdown. Definitions often vary wildly, where three people may use the same word in three complete different and dynamic ways. This can cause conflict, as while the definitions are rarely opposite, they are different enough to cause severe confusion.
Finally, there needs to be awareness that Introverted Thinking simply handles how the knowledge is processed inside the mind. It builds the framework, and it provides the details for the current subject. Unfortunately, it has no direct connection to observing the either the exterior or interior worlds, and as such its uses are only as good as the information it is fed. So, perhaps another time, I might delve into the recesses of the perceptual half of the complex that is Ti-Ne. Unfortunately, for now, this is what I have for you.
I primarily use my Introverted Thinking in close association with my Extraverted Intuition. I will attempt to excise the one from the other as much as possible, but I can't make any promises. I am, after all, a tad biased. Introverted Thinking is a series of Filters, Archetypes and Templates. These pieces are related to one another. These pieces, together with the threads of logic form the complete framework. This logic tends to be as objective as any person can truly be internally. We will start with the Filters.
Filters
Filters sit on the precipice of the unconscious. They decide if something is important enough to pass into the framework or if it is simply detritus that should be discarded. These filters tend to adjust and rearrange themselves, essentially forming sets, depending upon what kind of situation I'm in. If I'm driving a car, I pay attention to the signs along the road. If I'm reading a book, I ignore most of the world around me. As an aside, this is, hopefully, as close to the Perception side of my Ti-Ne complex as I get, as this is where the information is generally passed between the membranes. From these initial filters, the information then goes through hundreds of subconscious filters. The role of these filters is to categorize the data; each filter narrows the final location of the information until it has passed through every relevant filter and finally settles at its location in the framework.
At this point, I think you can see one of the two major distinguishing factors in how 'developed' Ti is in a person. With people who have a substantially lower preference for Ti than those that do, I suspect that these filters tend to either not always be accurate or they tend to have far fewer and thus do a much worse job of categorization. For instance, say you see the color purple but have a filter which decides 'red' or 'blue'. This could cause an issue and wind up misplacing 'purple' in the overall framework. That is, of course, a grossly simplistic comparison, but I feel it is one that makes the point. These filters generally can be anything from simple boolean ordeals to massive logic gates that have dozens of requirements and exclusions.
Archetypes
An archetype is defined as the original from which others are copied. In this instance, Archetypes define how you frame your world. They are the scaffolds of the mental framework. From my own history, Archetypes tend to be represented by articles in the real world. Each place in my framework is derived from the interaction of these Archetypes. The interesting thing about these is that as we gather empirical data and build the framework, we eventually 'evolve' new archetypes from our knowledge. The end result tends to be that once the Introverted Thinking has received enough evidence, it will build a new niche for a given bit of knowledge.
These units exist because we need something to base the rest of our knowledge from. They are, effectually, the seeds that have grown our tree of knowledge. In most instances, one of the largest differences between two people seems to derive from the conflict between completely different perspectives. These perspectives can be defined by the archetypes a person has chosen to use in his or her rational framework. Archetypes tend to govern how we truly view the world around us. As near as I can tell, all things we perceive and internalize are defined within ourselves as a set of differences and relations with our Archetypes. When we meet a person that cannot fit within an Archetype, they appear to be entirely alien and almost impossible to truly understand.
Templates
Now, to refine the view from Archetype to Real Information, the Filters aren't just enough. Templates are created by Ti as packages of Filters and Relationships. A template has a set of requirements to fit into it, which are based from its core filters. But once those requirements are realized, the mind extrapolates the rest of the information and fills in the details, essentially bypassing a portion of the filtering system. The second major function of these templates is relational. These templates are compound differences from archetypes and other templates. For instance, the template for 'human' is part of 'mammal' but distinct from 'fish'.
Let's say that I have an apple. When I first view this apple, my mind is collecting the discrete details of it, gathering its shape, skin, and color. These details all flow into my mind and pool, ready for the functions to take over. It is at this point that the Introverted Thinking snaps up these details and starts to place them into the framework. It takes the templates and realizes that this object is an apple. Now, because it's an apple, it then realizes that it is also a fruit, a plant, edible, and numerous other categorical and relational details.
These templates and archetypes are the second major signifying factor between people who strongly prefer Introverted Thinking and those who don't. The more a person uses and interacts with this category and relation framework, the more templates and archetypes they build up. Additionally, they become far more accurate and altogether quicker at working.
Final Thoughts
In some sense, this accuracy is the same as tasting a million bananas so you know for certain what just one will taste like. As this whole framework gathers its data, it refines each point until it can start guessing other points more effectively. It’s a very continuous, self-correcting process. In terms of communication, it also likes to cause the largest problems. When you’ve learned to define a given word with a given concept or abstraction, you generally assume that most people will have similar definitions. You certainly can’t assume they’re identical, but that they’re at least similar enough to function coherently together. Unfortunately, this is what causes a frequent breakdown. Definitions often vary wildly, where three people may use the same word in three complete different and dynamic ways. This can cause conflict, as while the definitions are rarely opposite, they are different enough to cause severe confusion.
Finally, there needs to be awareness that Introverted Thinking simply handles how the knowledge is processed inside the mind. It builds the framework, and it provides the details for the current subject. Unfortunately, it has no direct connection to observing the either the exterior or interior worlds, and as such its uses are only as good as the information it is fed. So, perhaps another time, I might delve into the recesses of the perceptual half of the complex that is Ti-Ne. Unfortunately, for now, this is what I have for you.
7.10.2008
Quick Recap.. Philosophy in Schools
The problem with routine is that the more consistent your schedule, the quicker time slips past. It's been far, far too long since I've last posted. I started writing a post on Introverted Thinking, but it's since stalled. It was getting absurdly long, truth be told. I may review it, chop it up, and post it in chunks.
So, registration for Classes at Columbus State starts in less than two weeks. July 23rd, to be exact. Once James gets his transcripts from DeVry, hopefully we'll be able to head down there to take their little placement tests. Once that's done, I'll be registering for the basic classes. Probably English 111 and Humanities 111. In addition to the stupid little Freshman Seminar they make people take. It was useless at OSU, it'll likely be even more useless at CSCC.
I've solidified on pursuing both English and Philosophy. I think I would enjoy a position as a Game writer but I think I've found my higher calling, if you will. I have a deep need to help move Philosophy a step forward.. it is in a sad state currently, widely disregarded and almost disrespected. The ethical state of our country's corporations is just pitiful. Our students.. they are indoctrinated by our schools to become mindless sheep. Taught to be pure simpletons. If there is nothing else I can do in my life, I will try to coerce more people into asking themselves 'Why?'. This question is emotionally bludgeoned from our minds as small children, and we are accosted from youth whenever we ask it. What those who would teach our children desperately need to realize is that if you can't answer 'Why', then you have no right answering 'How'. We need to foster the analytical mind in our children, to coax them into asking 'Why' more frequently.
Now, before someone decides to become a smart ass and ask me 'Why', it's simple. To have a complete understanding of some concept, abstract or elsewise, you must explore it. Exploration is inherently the act of asking 'Why', of questioning. We are doing our children a sincere injustice by slowly squeezing this curiosity out of them.
So, registration for Classes at Columbus State starts in less than two weeks. July 23rd, to be exact. Once James gets his transcripts from DeVry, hopefully we'll be able to head down there to take their little placement tests. Once that's done, I'll be registering for the basic classes. Probably English 111 and Humanities 111. In addition to the stupid little Freshman Seminar they make people take. It was useless at OSU, it'll likely be even more useless at CSCC.
I've solidified on pursuing both English and Philosophy. I think I would enjoy a position as a Game writer but I think I've found my higher calling, if you will. I have a deep need to help move Philosophy a step forward.. it is in a sad state currently, widely disregarded and almost disrespected. The ethical state of our country's corporations is just pitiful. Our students.. they are indoctrinated by our schools to become mindless sheep. Taught to be pure simpletons. If there is nothing else I can do in my life, I will try to coerce more people into asking themselves 'Why?'. This question is emotionally bludgeoned from our minds as small children, and we are accosted from youth whenever we ask it. What those who would teach our children desperately need to realize is that if you can't answer 'Why', then you have no right answering 'How'. We need to foster the analytical mind in our children, to coax them into asking 'Why' more frequently.
Now, before someone decides to become a smart ass and ask me 'Why', it's simple. To have a complete understanding of some concept, abstract or elsewise, you must explore it. Exploration is inherently the act of asking 'Why', of questioning. We are doing our children a sincere injustice by slowly squeezing this curiosity out of them.
2.14.2008
What's Your Passion?
So, I sit here, and look at these ads I have over here. I actually earned some infinitesimal amount from them yesterday, so that's cool. But, they're all about Myers-Briggs which, frankly, bothers me. Why? Because I don't really want to advertise MBTI -services- on my blog. I want to advertise the existence and use of MBTI. Among many, many other things. Hopefully, that's mostly just due to the state of my blog and the fact that I've been so busy with the Qualifying Course this week. I guess only time will tell, eh?
In other news, I took the qualifying exam today. 78 Correct out of a possible 80. I can now order, administer, and interpret Myers-Briggs Type Indicators. Go me. Maybe I'll figure out some way to use them productively. Honestly, I'd much rather just sit around in conference halls performing research on random masses of flesh. But, hey.
So, my topic du jour, is Passion. Yes, that crazy thing that makes non-crazy people become crazy for crazy reasons about crazy things. Crazy enough? I thought so. Passion intrigues me so because it is truly a game-changing situation. I don't care who you are, what you do, or how your little mind works. If you are passionate about something, you will do that. It's a truly wonderful thing, this passion, because it freely allows a person the carte blanche to do what they feel they are destined to do. It lets one's life become fulfilling. Think about that. There is no genericized meaning to life, the only meaning is the one we assign it. When we are passionate, we correlate our passion to that meaning. We align our very essence with that goal in sight, and we pursue it relentlessly until we are naught but bones scuttling in an old, dusty grave.
I, personally, am still looking for that passion. I have a sort of hemisphere where I'm kind of probing, prodding, trying to find where I really want to be and go. This is another reason for Seattle, mind you. This ties back to that in a large way. The growth available will help me push out on this bubble of potential and figure out what spots just plain feel good. I have ever intention of making a career out of what I find, and I will be sure to let you know when I do find something. And yes, if you are a wily reader, you will realize that this little blog, by this relatively nascent blogger, is one of these pushes. I like it, so far. Writing in enjoyable, and I have a clear enough command of my native tongue that I can effectively transmit my ideas. I can, perhaps, even inspire with my words so long as they are carefully chosen.
If my writing inspires you, then I want you to take heed. Let my writing push you, let my words drag you screaming through the lush fields of your mind. Find your passion, find that small niche where you feel nothing but absolute pleasure in every moment you work, that place where everything is eerily comfortable, where your mind is always perfectly at rest, and where you know you can do your best work. Find this place for me, and then push into it. Force yourself into this place, and make it your home. Make your passion your true drive, and then abandon all else for this drive. We need more impassioned, aroused people in this world pushing for their true passions. Do this, create something, and share your passion with the world around you. I can guarantee you will be adored for the freedom that is granted by passion. You will feel the shackles of society drop from your wrists, and you will experience freedom in a way that only a very small portion of society ever experiences. And remember that when you join this group, you are among an elite that is home to an incredible mass of people. You are among those that have the true strength in any culture, especially our's. When you find your passion, when you remove yourself from the status quo that our society has become, you will join the group of the creators. The innovators. The entrepreneurs. When you strip away all of your fears, all of your worries, and rip your thoughts down to their core, and focus the edge of your mind into your passion, you will find yourself in a truly wondrous group of people.
Push yourself. Expand your mind. Realize that fear is a pointless construct in our modern world. If you can do this, you will find a happiness far more pure than anything else you can ever experience. I can promise this to you. And if you never push yourself past that first step, you will forever regret not taking that first, little, harmless step. Don't fear the slide into passion. Fear the stagnation of the soul.
A superb quote. And that is all for tonight. Find your passion, and you will succeed. Farewell, and until tomorrow.
In other news, I took the qualifying exam today. 78 Correct out of a possible 80. I can now order, administer, and interpret Myers-Briggs Type Indicators. Go me. Maybe I'll figure out some way to use them productively. Honestly, I'd much rather just sit around in conference halls performing research on random masses of flesh. But, hey.
So, my topic du jour, is Passion. Yes, that crazy thing that makes non-crazy people become crazy for crazy reasons about crazy things. Crazy enough? I thought so. Passion intrigues me so because it is truly a game-changing situation. I don't care who you are, what you do, or how your little mind works. If you are passionate about something, you will do that. It's a truly wonderful thing, this passion, because it freely allows a person the carte blanche to do what they feel they are destined to do. It lets one's life become fulfilling. Think about that. There is no genericized meaning to life, the only meaning is the one we assign it. When we are passionate, we correlate our passion to that meaning. We align our very essence with that goal in sight, and we pursue it relentlessly until we are naught but bones scuttling in an old, dusty grave.
I, personally, am still looking for that passion. I have a sort of hemisphere where I'm kind of probing, prodding, trying to find where I really want to be and go. This is another reason for Seattle, mind you. This ties back to that in a large way. The growth available will help me push out on this bubble of potential and figure out what spots just plain feel good. I have ever intention of making a career out of what I find, and I will be sure to let you know when I do find something. And yes, if you are a wily reader, you will realize that this little blog, by this relatively nascent blogger, is one of these pushes. I like it, so far. Writing in enjoyable, and I have a clear enough command of my native tongue that I can effectively transmit my ideas. I can, perhaps, even inspire with my words so long as they are carefully chosen.
If my writing inspires you, then I want you to take heed. Let my writing push you, let my words drag you screaming through the lush fields of your mind. Find your passion, find that small niche where you feel nothing but absolute pleasure in every moment you work, that place where everything is eerily comfortable, where your mind is always perfectly at rest, and where you know you can do your best work. Find this place for me, and then push into it. Force yourself into this place, and make it your home. Make your passion your true drive, and then abandon all else for this drive. We need more impassioned, aroused people in this world pushing for their true passions. Do this, create something, and share your passion with the world around you. I can guarantee you will be adored for the freedom that is granted by passion. You will feel the shackles of society drop from your wrists, and you will experience freedom in a way that only a very small portion of society ever experiences. And remember that when you join this group, you are among an elite that is home to an incredible mass of people. You are among those that have the true strength in any culture, especially our's. When you find your passion, when you remove yourself from the status quo that our society has become, you will join the group of the creators. The innovators. The entrepreneurs. When you strip away all of your fears, all of your worries, and rip your thoughts down to their core, and focus the edge of your mind into your passion, you will find yourself in a truly wondrous group of people.
Push yourself. Expand your mind. Realize that fear is a pointless construct in our modern world. If you can do this, you will find a happiness far more pure than anything else you can ever experience. I can promise this to you. And if you never push yourself past that first step, you will forever regret not taking that first, little, harmless step. Don't fear the slide into passion. Fear the stagnation of the soul.
"And I am reminded, on this holy day, of the sad story of Kitty Genovese. As you all may remember, a long time ago, almost thirty years ago, this poor soul cried out for help time and time again, but no person answered her calls. Though many saw, no one so much as called the police. They all just watched as Kitty was being stabbed to death in broad daylight. They watched as her assailant walked away. Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."
2.13.2008
Motivations for a Curious Decision
Mm. Not much to chortle out today. Got a wonderful example of the myriad things I've been learning in class, when one person got offended when another attempted to honestly express himself. It was comical. Any who, I keep getting this reinforced message that, frankly, people will listen and heed what I tell them. That, if I try to shove some strange concept down into a person's brain, once it finds its little hole and settles in, that concept almost becomes unshakable. Did I mention that the person that pioneered a significant portion of what we're learning apparently shares my type? This amuses me because I'm one of those weird types where we're basically all across the board. The only things we really have in common are that we're absolutely infatuated with change, and that we naturally integrate the world between various futures, ideas, concepts and ourselves in a strikingly logical manner.
I was asked, yesterday, how many people actual read this. I responded, not many. I always write for a crowd that doesn't truly exist. I don't know why, but it makes sense to me. On some level, if you write for the masses, the masses will eventually pay attention. That'd be neat, and great, and splendid. But I don't really care. This is a dumping ground.. a place where I can expel all of my mental waste produced throughout the day. Mind you, the next two weeks, as well as this past week, will be like a great, awkward enema, blowing the smelly, ancient bits of emotional and mental cruft from the deepest recesses of my brain, in preparation to truly experience the Emerald City in all of its glorious newness to me.
Seattle. The number one question I get regarding my impending trip, is "Why?". A very valid question, most certainly. Also the most difficult to answer unless you bloody well live inside of my head, or share a lot of mental processes with me. You see, the reasons why are almost innumerable. However, I'm certain I can distill them down into a few basic reasons. This won't really scratch the multi ameliorate connections that tie each of these together in infinitesimal ways, but if you were able to appreciate that, you really wouldn't need the distillation. And yes, as an aside, I do use flowery language. But it is most certainly true, I can always find new, minuscule connections between the core reasons of most things I do. This, especially.
The first, foremost, and most powerful reason is simply Change. I am in Columbus. In less than two weeks, I will be in Seattle. There are few things you can change more than location, especially at that magnitude. They are two very different cities, cultures, and areas of the country. However, this change burns far deeper than simply location. I will be effectually homeless, jobless, friendless, and essentially without anything. I am packing only my clothing and most bare essentials for existence. I will take little with me but my body, those necessities, and my soul. This, I suspect, is a deeper and more true reason for the change. To allow me to cleanse myself, spiritually. To extract from all the cruft and accumulations of time the core of my person. If you're reading carefully, you'll start to notice what I meant about the thousands of minute connections. Just within this one concept, this one core idea, I can make hundreds of ties that are all purely internally. All I can say is, think of every little connection you can, and know that that is quite likely also a very valid part of my reason.
The next reason is Opportunity. They say that Opportunity does not simply appear, that you must make your own opportunity. Well, in and around Seattle are multiple Gaming Studios. Presumably, because there are many gamers in and around Seattle. If this is true, then perhaps I will finally be able to find my team. For those of you who know what that means, good. For the rest, just know that I need a team to help me work on my projects. Or, that perhaps I need a team that I can help work on their projects. I don't try to define it, I simply know that I cannot do what I need to, alone. I must seek and find partners that are willing and able to assist me in their own capacities.
A third reason, and the last of the most powerful ones, is Growth. A plant eventually outgrows its pot. One's mind and soul eventually outgrows its shell, or skin. This is a transplant, for me, in a sense of the idea. I am attempting to tear at my current skin, my current shell or bowl, and pull it away so that I might be able to spread my roots wider, deeper and more effectively. It's a drastic way of doing so, but both in light of the other two reasons, as well as in light of myself, I think that this is probably the cleanest, most efficient way to do what I feel needs to be done. If I do wind up back in Columbus in the short term, then at the very least I will have the room to grow creatively, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I will have cast aside my previous skin even if I find myself rooted to the same location.
These are my reasons, and they are reasons that I own with all of my being. I don't particularly expect or care if they make sense to you, but I will tell you this. This is a bare honesty I'm sharing with you. There are no lies in these previous paragraphs. Frequently, I would daresay, you are receiving a curious edge from me on this blog. This time, you are feeling the full swing of my dominant function.
If are an Intuitor, then this will all make perfect sense to you. I might even hope that it could inspire you. However, if you are a Sensor, then you will see blank concepts. Stark, logical constructs with little relation and a decision that ultimately likely makes little sense as well. If the latter is true, please feel free to ask me, and perhaps we can use another function to truly connect, and this will allow you some of the delight and glory I feel in these words. Maybe we can even convince you to catch a glimmer of the future in yourself as well.
As it is, I will be off to bed soon, so farewell and goodnight.
I was asked, yesterday, how many people actual read this. I responded, not many. I always write for a crowd that doesn't truly exist. I don't know why, but it makes sense to me. On some level, if you write for the masses, the masses will eventually pay attention. That'd be neat, and great, and splendid. But I don't really care. This is a dumping ground.. a place where I can expel all of my mental waste produced throughout the day. Mind you, the next two weeks, as well as this past week, will be like a great, awkward enema, blowing the smelly, ancient bits of emotional and mental cruft from the deepest recesses of my brain, in preparation to truly experience the Emerald City in all of its glorious newness to me.
Seattle. The number one question I get regarding my impending trip, is "Why?". A very valid question, most certainly. Also the most difficult to answer unless you bloody well live inside of my head, or share a lot of mental processes with me. You see, the reasons why are almost innumerable. However, I'm certain I can distill them down into a few basic reasons. This won't really scratch the multi ameliorate connections that tie each of these together in infinitesimal ways, but if you were able to appreciate that, you really wouldn't need the distillation. And yes, as an aside, I do use flowery language. But it is most certainly true, I can always find new, minuscule connections between the core reasons of most things I do. This, especially.
The first, foremost, and most powerful reason is simply Change. I am in Columbus. In less than two weeks, I will be in Seattle. There are few things you can change more than location, especially at that magnitude. They are two very different cities, cultures, and areas of the country. However, this change burns far deeper than simply location. I will be effectually homeless, jobless, friendless, and essentially without anything. I am packing only my clothing and most bare essentials for existence. I will take little with me but my body, those necessities, and my soul. This, I suspect, is a deeper and more true reason for the change. To allow me to cleanse myself, spiritually. To extract from all the cruft and accumulations of time the core of my person. If you're reading carefully, you'll start to notice what I meant about the thousands of minute connections. Just within this one concept, this one core idea, I can make hundreds of ties that are all purely internally. All I can say is, think of every little connection you can, and know that that is quite likely also a very valid part of my reason.
The next reason is Opportunity. They say that Opportunity does not simply appear, that you must make your own opportunity. Well, in and around Seattle are multiple Gaming Studios. Presumably, because there are many gamers in and around Seattle. If this is true, then perhaps I will finally be able to find my team. For those of you who know what that means, good. For the rest, just know that I need a team to help me work on my projects. Or, that perhaps I need a team that I can help work on their projects. I don't try to define it, I simply know that I cannot do what I need to, alone. I must seek and find partners that are willing and able to assist me in their own capacities.
A third reason, and the last of the most powerful ones, is Growth. A plant eventually outgrows its pot. One's mind and soul eventually outgrows its shell, or skin. This is a transplant, for me, in a sense of the idea. I am attempting to tear at my current skin, my current shell or bowl, and pull it away so that I might be able to spread my roots wider, deeper and more effectively. It's a drastic way of doing so, but both in light of the other two reasons, as well as in light of myself, I think that this is probably the cleanest, most efficient way to do what I feel needs to be done. If I do wind up back in Columbus in the short term, then at the very least I will have the room to grow creatively, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I will have cast aside my previous skin even if I find myself rooted to the same location.
These are my reasons, and they are reasons that I own with all of my being. I don't particularly expect or care if they make sense to you, but I will tell you this. This is a bare honesty I'm sharing with you. There are no lies in these previous paragraphs. Frequently, I would daresay, you are receiving a curious edge from me on this blog. This time, you are feeling the full swing of my dominant function.
If are an Intuitor, then this will all make perfect sense to you. I might even hope that it could inspire you. However, if you are a Sensor, then you will see blank concepts. Stark, logical constructs with little relation and a decision that ultimately likely makes little sense as well. If the latter is true, please feel free to ask me, and perhaps we can use another function to truly connect, and this will allow you some of the delight and glory I feel in these words. Maybe we can even convince you to catch a glimmer of the future in yourself as well.
As it is, I will be off to bed soon, so farewell and goodnight.
2.12.2008
Another Day, Another Way + [The Schism, pt. I]
So, today was plenty interesting. Learned, of course, more interesting things. As well as realized a few things about myself. Of course. Mostly learned about statistics today, and how they apply in terms of the Indicator. Bob showed us how they come to the 65% accuracy rating, as well as let us in on a little known fact. Most SPs mis-type as NPs or SJs. Due to the questions and an unfortunate bias in the two metrics. There's, apparently about a 9% Correlation between the S-N Questions and the J-P Scale, and about a 9% Correlation between the J-P Questions and the S-N Scale. So this causes people that tend towards SP to answer the questions incorrectly towards one result or the other. Still not sure what James' type is, but I'm pretty sure this is related to it. Ah well.
So, my Ads are active now. If you don't like them, let me know. I might take them off. Otherwise, I can't imagine they're really that intrusive. They don't really stand out in terms of their colors, and they might, eventually, be handy. Right now they're focusing mostly on MBTI and Religion. Speaking of which, I spoke with Mike and he thinks I might try writing a Self-Help book. I was contemplating writing a book entitled "How to Lose Yourself Without God". Ah well. I may, also, coerce him into writing. I've been pushing James towards creating more.. towards that point, he did make a blog: http://phygerion-tonto.blogspot.com/
Go visit, read his poetry, leave nice comments, tell him how wonderful it is. Then come back here and read my stuff. On one last note, a story.
On that note, if you like my writing and want to help, let me know. I'd love any assistance with writing anyone'd be willing to give. If it fits into my stuff, I'll gladly post it and make sure you get credit for it. Otherwise, if you really do like it (Even a little bit..) or if you absolutely hate it, leave me a comment. Tell me!
So, my Ads are active now. If you don't like them, let me know. I might take them off. Otherwise, I can't imagine they're really that intrusive. They don't really stand out in terms of their colors, and they might, eventually, be handy. Right now they're focusing mostly on MBTI and Religion. Speaking of which, I spoke with Mike and he thinks I might try writing a Self-Help book. I was contemplating writing a book entitled "How to Lose Yourself Without God". Ah well. I may, also, coerce him into writing. I've been pushing James towards creating more.. towards that point, he did make a blog: http://phygerion-tonto.blogspot.com/
Go visit, read his poetry, leave nice comments, tell him how wonderful it is. Then come back here and read my stuff. On one last note, a story.
The two men stood, a ferocity gripping the air and gradually tearing the air from lungs and souls from bodies. A stark tensity stood, as each man tried to remain standing, tried to conjure the power needed to not only survive the next flurry of brutal attacks, but also to push back and, hopefully, deliver an even more powerful flurry that might defeat the other. Here they stood, in this silent despair, gripping for any energy they could. The younger, pulling wisps of energy from the slight breeze teasing his flesh, each little breath of air getting absorbed into his very being. His long, blue robes fluttering in odd whirls and eddies with the small currents dancing about him as his energies gradually built, small breeze after minuscule wisp, a flurry of roars felt in the distance.
Across the clearing, an older man stood, feet planted firmly in the ground, vines slithering like lethargic snakes about his wide, earthen legs. He wore no robes, but his armor hung from his chest and hips like massive stone plates, pulling every ounce of his being to the ground almost as though the very earth upon which he stood was attempting to engulf him. As this man reinforced himself with these lush, terran energies, his very appearance almost seemed to begin to change. He would seem, in those instances between blinks and glances, as a massive stone beast, growing in size, girth and sheer power. And yet, if one were to focus directly at him, one would see nothing but a large, powerful old man standing in a stony pose, imperceptibly breathing, hardly moving, waiting patiently.
Only the gods could define how long the period of time immediately after this was. Birds lived their lives, animals continued in their blissfully ignorant existence, and humans, thousands of miles away, continued without any thoughts to magic or energy or any of these bizarre, esoteric things. However, it was during this long moment that the earth felt itself building pressure, like a volcano, ready to explode in a focus swath of rage so powerful that it could level an entire forest. It was during this moment that the high winds of the earth heeded a call, one that was rarely sent out. All four of the winds could feel themselves being drawn, potently, into an abyss that they knew little of and only knew that they must serve absolutely. The winds roared as the earth began to bleed. Molten flesh, burning its way through anything organic flowed like an angry tsunami exploding relentlessly forward. The winds realized their purpose, their mission. They then built a wall of sheer air between their master and this wall of molten earth. This wall of pure air and wind then began moving. First, crawling, then more quickly. As the tsunami of magma cooled and began to break apart, the winds picked up the shattered pieces and viciously attacked their only mortal enemy with them.
Moments later, the winds returned to their homes at the corners of the world. The earth shuddered as a scar that would never heal was created. And the man in his blue robes collapsed from exertion, energy pouring from his body, filling the air with hurricane winds.
On that note, if you like my writing and want to help, let me know. I'd love any assistance with writing anyone'd be willing to give. If it fits into my stuff, I'll gladly post it and make sure you get credit for it. Otherwise, if you really do like it (Even a little bit..) or if you absolutely hate it, leave me a comment. Tell me!
2.11.2008
Introducing: Rynthsara
Today was another interesting day. Learned an absolute shite-ton of info. Myers-Briggs is incredibly interesting. We covered a lot of material regarding the 8 Jungian Functions, and I actually learned some things I couldn't quite fix before. Like what the Ni function -actually- does. We also learned a lot regarding the 8 functions, how people use them, and the various strong, weak and shaodw functions. If you guys want more, leave me a comment and I'll write up a post with a quick rundown.
Without further ado:
Without further ado:
A land of rolling plains, summer storms, and overwhelming energy, Rynthsara is guarded by the Guild of the Ivory Winds. A sect of wizards that have mastered the magics of the wind and constantly use it to keep harm from ever finding their homeland. The people of this quiet country are a fairly simple people, generally content with living their peaceful lives as farmers and merchants, under the watchful eye of the Wizards. Their farmlands and pastures stretch across the rolling landscape, decorating the hills with their little homes.
There are many secrets in this land, mostly unknown to the commonfolk. Even many of the wizards are unaware of these secrets, as they are held only by the highest members of the guild. These secrets tell the dark truths of the Guild and weave a bloody tale from the deepest mists of history to the most present time. The land is surrounded by a large, almost endless ocean, considered by most to be resting on one of the corners of the world, there are rumours that if an enterprising sailor were to venture away from the island, they would eventually navigate his ship, crew and himself straight into the gaping maws of the abyss. But then, this is only a rumour spread among the children around the countryside. Some might venture this is to prevent the people from leaving, others just that it's a silly rumor. Many simply assume that it is true. Regardless, people rarely leave the continent as it is nigh impossible to find the resources to build a ship, and even more difficult to find a crew to man one.
2.10.2008
New Home..
So, yeah. I realized how much Livejournal blows. So, I'm going to try out Blogspot. I've moved my two whole posts over from there. I'll probably be tweaking the layout/style when I have the chance, since I'm less happy with the immediate appearance, but it's easier to edit. Weird, huh.
Anywho.. I'm going to get myself a notebook and start doing some more worldbuilding here. Nothing today, but then, I've been reasonably busy. Went up to me mum's D&S group today, to finalize my plans for the week. I'm apparently going to be pimped out to the guy running the class, and get to show up nice and early in the morning to make coffee and whatnot. Fun. Also, at the D&S meeting, they had a guy droning on about Group Dynamics.. something I have a special place in my heart about. I'll write about that more later this week. Might actually be halfway intelligent as I'm going to be getting a shite ton of info rammed into my head regarding people and communication.. that being what the MBTI's all about.
With regards to my wee little world, I'm going to gather up all of the documentation I can, and try and get it printed out sometime in the next two weeks. That way I'll be able to do work on it away from a terminal. Eventually, I'll be petitioning some of my friends to help me out on it, but I do know they're all busy-folk. If you're keen on helping, let me know.. drop an e-mail or a comment. Anywho, I've got other stuff to take care of right now so I'ma finish this up. Expect some more added to my previous excerpt, and maybe a start into Group Dynamics.. I should buy a book on that.
Oh, also, these posts that I'm writing at 11:59? Yeah, that's a lie. I'm backdating them since I want to keep the days right. My days normally run from late morning/early afternoon to after midnight. So even though it's after 12:30 AM, it's still the 10th to me. Yeah, I'm weird. Sorry.
Anywho.. I'm going to get myself a notebook and start doing some more worldbuilding here. Nothing today, but then, I've been reasonably busy. Went up to me mum's D&S group today, to finalize my plans for the week. I'm apparently going to be pimped out to the guy running the class, and get to show up nice and early in the morning to make coffee and whatnot. Fun. Also, at the D&S meeting, they had a guy droning on about Group Dynamics.. something I have a special place in my heart about. I'll write about that more later this week. Might actually be halfway intelligent as I'm going to be getting a shite ton of info rammed into my head regarding people and communication.. that being what the MBTI's all about.
With regards to my wee little world, I'm going to gather up all of the documentation I can, and try and get it printed out sometime in the next two weeks. That way I'll be able to do work on it away from a terminal. Eventually, I'll be petitioning some of my friends to help me out on it, but I do know they're all busy-folk. If you're keen on helping, let me know.. drop an e-mail or a comment. Anywho, I've got other stuff to take care of right now so I'ma finish this up. Expect some more added to my previous excerpt, and maybe a start into Group Dynamics.. I should buy a book on that.
Oh, also, these posts that I'm writing at 11:59? Yeah, that's a lie. I'm backdating them since I want to keep the days right. My days normally run from late morning/early afternoon to after midnight. So even though it's after 12:30 AM, it's still the 10th to me. Yeah, I'm weird. Sorry.
2.08.2008
Rambly one today..
So, I've been thinking about various things.. In theory, sometime today, my boss is supposed to tell my supervisor that I'll be quitting in a week and a half. That'll be cute, I'm sure.
I've been slowly evaluating this trip to Seattle, and the various possibilities that are slowly laying outstretched before me.. and I find them all incredibly intriguing. Next week, something I haven't really told many people, I'm going to a week-long certification program to become an, apparently, Certified MBTI Instructor. Now, basically what this means, is that when I'm explaining to people what Myers-Briggs is, and why it's relevant, I won't really be blowing quite so much smoke. This is, in general, a good thing. I adore the MBTI programs, and love looking at the interactions between people from this perspective.. and I honestly should more often, because I realize that I tend to blast my way through things that might tend to be emotionally disruptive to others. Always entirely accidentally, too. I try to be more cognizant of this, but I rarely succeed.
So, this is next week. The week of Valentine's. I don't know what opportunities are lurking here, and Susan tends to be fairly quiet when it involves such things. I wouldn't be entirely surprised if she springs something on me that would cause me to cut my trip to Seattle short, and come back to Columbus. Yes, there are things that would do that.. I'm going out to Seattle, I have decided this. But whether or not I come back is open to an almost infinite set of variables. Not even the best Chaos Theorist could make an adequate prediction at this junction in my life. After that, my existence, as I am currently familiar with it, begins to dissolve. I will be back here at work for three days.. that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.. then I'll idling, preparing, from Thursday through the next Tuesday. That next Tuesday is my flight out to Seattle, where I kiss Columbus Good Bye.. I'll know more closer, as to how soon I'll be back.. but right now it's looking to be on the order of 6 Months..
Here is the plan, as I see it. I'll finish next week, and the week after. I'll get all my gear cleaned up and straightened up, likely keeping my server running so I can keep some kind of presence out in Seattle, and at the very least poke at it remotely when I feel the need. Most of my music will get put on my Vibez, and I will stuff my flash drive with as much additional as I need. Between the two, I'll have 16 GB of portable storage for whatever. I'm pretty much letting James have (use) Frostburn, presuming he doesn't hurt my baby. I'll be sure and have everything I need off both Frostburn -and- Bobomb before I leave, so even if all 3 HDs crash, I still have my imperative data, config files, and whatnot. The really important stuff'll get stashed on my Mushkin Flashdrive, my Vibez -and- my Cruzer. Because I'm a spaz. So, after I've got everything scrubbed, sorted and organized, I'm ready to head out to Seattle. Once out there, I'll try to get a job, a place to stay, and do some general wandering. I pretty much plan on playing it entirely by ear once I'm in the vicinity. Hopefully, within a few weeks, I'll be able to get myself into an apartment, and then, if necessary, get myself a little car. Once these two things happen, I pretty much start surviving. If this all goes according to plan, I will likely come back to Columbus near the end of the summer to visit people, make sure everyone knows I'm still alive, and hang out. Assuming James actually manages to get his arse in gear by then, I'll, theoretically, return to Seattle with him in tow.
That's the plan. Gods above know there are a thousand different ways it can all get fucked up.
I've been slowly evaluating this trip to Seattle, and the various possibilities that are slowly laying outstretched before me.. and I find them all incredibly intriguing. Next week, something I haven't really told many people, I'm going to a week-long certification program to become an, apparently, Certified MBTI Instructor. Now, basically what this means, is that when I'm explaining to people what Myers-Briggs is, and why it's relevant, I won't really be blowing quite so much smoke. This is, in general, a good thing. I adore the MBTI programs, and love looking at the interactions between people from this perspective.. and I honestly should more often, because I realize that I tend to blast my way through things that might tend to be emotionally disruptive to others. Always entirely accidentally, too. I try to be more cognizant of this, but I rarely succeed.
So, this is next week. The week of Valentine's. I don't know what opportunities are lurking here, and Susan tends to be fairly quiet when it involves such things. I wouldn't be entirely surprised if she springs something on me that would cause me to cut my trip to Seattle short, and come back to Columbus. Yes, there are things that would do that.. I'm going out to Seattle, I have decided this. But whether or not I come back is open to an almost infinite set of variables. Not even the best Chaos Theorist could make an adequate prediction at this junction in my life. After that, my existence, as I am currently familiar with it, begins to dissolve. I will be back here at work for three days.. that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.. then I'll idling, preparing, from Thursday through the next Tuesday. That next Tuesday is my flight out to Seattle, where I kiss Columbus Good Bye.. I'll know more closer, as to how soon I'll be back.. but right now it's looking to be on the order of 6 Months..
Here is the plan, as I see it. I'll finish next week, and the week after. I'll get all my gear cleaned up and straightened up, likely keeping my server running so I can keep some kind of presence out in Seattle, and at the very least poke at it remotely when I feel the need. Most of my music will get put on my Vibez, and I will stuff my flash drive with as much additional as I need. Between the two, I'll have 16 GB of portable storage for whatever. I'm pretty much letting James have (use) Frostburn, presuming he doesn't hurt my baby. I'll be sure and have everything I need off both Frostburn -and- Bobomb before I leave, so even if all 3 HDs crash, I still have my imperative data, config files, and whatnot. The really important stuff'll get stashed on my Mushkin Flashdrive, my Vibez -and- my Cruzer. Because I'm a spaz. So, after I've got everything scrubbed, sorted and organized, I'm ready to head out to Seattle. Once out there, I'll try to get a job, a place to stay, and do some general wandering. I pretty much plan on playing it entirely by ear once I'm in the vicinity. Hopefully, within a few weeks, I'll be able to get myself into an apartment, and then, if necessary, get myself a little car. Once these two things happen, I pretty much start surviving. If this all goes according to plan, I will likely come back to Columbus near the end of the summer to visit people, make sure everyone knows I'm still alive, and hang out. Assuming James actually manages to get his arse in gear by then, I'll, theoretically, return to Seattle with him in tow.
That's the plan. Gods above know there are a thousand different ways it can all get fucked up.
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