Mm. Not much to chortle out today. Got a wonderful example of the myriad things I've been learning in class, when one person got offended when another attempted to honestly express himself. It was comical. Any who, I keep getting this reinforced message that, frankly, people will listen and heed what I tell them. That, if I try to shove some strange concept down into a person's brain, once it finds its little hole and settles in, that concept almost becomes unshakable. Did I mention that the person that pioneered a significant portion of what we're learning apparently shares my type? This amuses me because I'm one of those weird types where we're basically all across the board. The only things we really have in common are that we're absolutely infatuated with change, and that we naturally integrate the world between various futures, ideas, concepts and ourselves in a strikingly logical manner.
I was asked, yesterday, how many people actual read this. I responded, not many. I always write for a crowd that doesn't truly exist. I don't know why, but it makes sense to me. On some level, if you write for the masses, the masses will eventually pay attention. That'd be neat, and great, and splendid. But I don't really care. This is a dumping ground.. a place where I can expel all of my mental waste produced throughout the day. Mind you, the next two weeks, as well as this past week, will be like a great, awkward enema, blowing the smelly, ancient bits of emotional and mental cruft from the deepest recesses of my brain, in preparation to truly experience the Emerald City in all of its glorious newness to me.
Seattle. The number one question I get regarding my impending trip, is "Why?". A very valid question, most certainly. Also the most difficult to answer unless you bloody well live inside of my head, or share a lot of mental processes with me. You see, the reasons why are almost innumerable. However, I'm certain I can distill them down into a few basic reasons. This won't really scratch the multi ameliorate connections that tie each of these together in infinitesimal ways, but if you were able to appreciate that, you really wouldn't need the distillation. And yes, as an aside, I do use flowery language. But it is most certainly true, I can always find new, minuscule connections between the core reasons of most things I do. This, especially.
The first, foremost, and most powerful reason is simply Change. I am in Columbus. In less than two weeks, I will be in Seattle. There are few things you can change more than location, especially at that magnitude. They are two very different cities, cultures, and areas of the country. However, this change burns far deeper than simply location. I will be effectually homeless, jobless, friendless, and essentially without anything. I am packing only my clothing and most bare essentials for existence. I will take little with me but my body, those necessities, and my soul. This, I suspect, is a deeper and more true reason for the change. To allow me to cleanse myself, spiritually. To extract from all the cruft and accumulations of time the core of my person. If you're reading carefully, you'll start to notice what I meant about the thousands of minute connections. Just within this one concept, this one core idea, I can make hundreds of ties that are all purely internally. All I can say is, think of every little connection you can, and know that that is quite likely also a very valid part of my reason.
The next reason is Opportunity. They say that Opportunity does not simply appear, that you must make your own opportunity. Well, in and around Seattle are multiple Gaming Studios. Presumably, because there are many gamers in and around Seattle. If this is true, then perhaps I will finally be able to find my team. For those of you who know what that means, good. For the rest, just know that I need a team to help me work on my projects. Or, that perhaps I need a team that I can help work on their projects. I don't try to define it, I simply know that I cannot do what I need to, alone. I must seek and find partners that are willing and able to assist me in their own capacities.
A third reason, and the last of the most powerful ones, is Growth. A plant eventually outgrows its pot. One's mind and soul eventually outgrows its shell, or skin. This is a transplant, for me, in a sense of the idea. I am attempting to tear at my current skin, my current shell or bowl, and pull it away so that I might be able to spread my roots wider, deeper and more effectively. It's a drastic way of doing so, but both in light of the other two reasons, as well as in light of myself, I think that this is probably the cleanest, most efficient way to do what I feel needs to be done. If I do wind up back in Columbus in the short term, then at the very least I will have the room to grow creatively, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I will have cast aside my previous skin even if I find myself rooted to the same location.
These are my reasons, and they are reasons that I own with all of my being. I don't particularly expect or care if they make sense to you, but I will tell you this. This is a bare honesty I'm sharing with you. There are no lies in these previous paragraphs. Frequently, I would daresay, you are receiving a curious edge from me on this blog. This time, you are feeling the full swing of my dominant function.
If are an Intuitor, then this will all make perfect sense to you. I might even hope that it could inspire you. However, if you are a Sensor, then you will see blank concepts. Stark, logical constructs with little relation and a decision that ultimately likely makes little sense as well. If the latter is true, please feel free to ask me, and perhaps we can use another function to truly connect, and this will allow you some of the delight and glory I feel in these words. Maybe we can even convince you to catch a glimmer of the future in yourself as well.
As it is, I will be off to bed soon, so farewell and goodnight.
Contemplations of a Tainted Mind