Happiness and People

So, they offered me a job with the caveat that I would need to commit to some amount of overtime. I took it. If I can keep myself balanced, I can withstand this job. That, mind you, is the crux of it all.. I've started realizing what I need to do to keep myself balanced, but it isn't always easy. One big thing, is I need a more active social life. It's been slowly growing, but it still isn't large enough.

On this note, I've been wondering about something.. I often come across as an Introvert. I've been contemplating if my deep introversion through High School might not have had something to do with middle/junior high school.. all of the fighting I got into, I wound up basically hating everything around me and it's rather hard to extravert when you feel nothing but rage for 95% of the people around you. I might be wrong, but it just seems like the events line up.. once I got into High School, I was basically already shut down.

I guess the point of this.. is that I've been slowly working and kneading myself into a new mold. I'm sick of being an irritable introvert, truthfully. I actually -like- being outgoing and sociable. I mean, regardless of how you look at it, I do know I'm an extravert. I think that my self-image is in such disrepair that I feel like a fool for being outgoing.. that strikes me as an inherently stressful arrangement. "Hey! I love being outgoing! But I feel like an idiot for doing it!"

I've realized that being a fool really.. isn't that bad.

So, my goal as of late is to just consume new things. As Jared says, I've become a Consumer Whore. ^_^ When I go and meet new people, talk to strangers.. go dancing at Axis.. I feel absolutely rejuvenated. It's just energizing.. the problem, truthfully, is that I just don't have enough links.. enough of a network, to really get to many new people. I'm hoping taking classes will help alleviate that a bit.

Anywho. That's that. Life's going reasonably well in my futile little existence.

I'm back at the Hill.

So, it's been awhile since I've posted. Been busy. Catching up with stuff, getting back to work, etc etc. I'm here, at work, back at International CS. There's even less work now than there was before I left. So, I've got another one of those silly little dilemnas I get into.. this one, I suspect, is a small bit unique and doesn't really have much long-ranging impact necessarily nor obviously.

There is a full-time position open here, for a regular Domestic HEP Customer Service. My supervisor suggested I apply for it, as it would get me into the actual company. Now, I would rather work here in International, but HR won't hire on any additional people for this department. So I'm this weird sort of non-proto-employee for us.

So, this is how it goes. I currently work as a temporary for International. I can apply for a position in Domestic HEP. If I get it, I might eventually be able to transfer back over to International, rejoining the group for a third time. If I don't get that job, I will remain a temp in International. Now, say I do get it, but can't transfer. Then there's this issue that I may get extremely frustrated working in Domestic HEP. It's very boring, very simple, and fairly busy. International is essentially the opposite. There are many interesting personalities to deal with, there are multiple layers of complexity beyond regular orders, and it's fairly slow. If I, say, get the job in Domestic HEP, I may well end up trapped there. The unfortunate part, is that if I don't get it, I also may end up here as a temp for the foreseeable future. I'm not particularly sure what to do at this point.. any advice is wholly welcome.

More later, I'm sure.