So, they offered me a job with the caveat that I would need to commit to some amount of overtime. I took it. If I can keep myself balanced, I can withstand this job. That, mind you, is the crux of it all.. I've started realizing what I need to do to keep myself balanced, but it isn't always easy. One big thing, is I need a more active social life. It's been slowly growing, but it still isn't large enough.
On this note, I've been wondering about something.. I often come across as an Introvert. I've been contemplating if my deep introversion through High School might not have had something to do with middle/junior high school.. all of the fighting I got into, I wound up basically hating everything around me and it's rather hard to extravert when you feel nothing but rage for 95% of the people around you. I might be wrong, but it just seems like the events line up.. once I got into High School, I was basically already shut down.
I guess the point of this.. is that I've been slowly working and kneading myself into a new mold. I'm sick of being an irritable introvert, truthfully. I actually -like- being outgoing and sociable. I mean, regardless of how you look at it, I do know I'm an extravert. I think that my self-image is in such disrepair that I feel like a fool for being outgoing.. that strikes me as an inherently stressful arrangement. "Hey! I love being outgoing! But I feel like an idiot for doing it!"
I've realized that being a fool really.. isn't that bad.
So, my goal as of late is to just consume new things. As Jared says, I've become a Consumer Whore. ^_^ When I go and meet new people, talk to strangers.. go dancing at Axis.. I feel absolutely rejuvenated. It's just energizing.. the problem, truthfully, is that I just don't have enough links.. enough of a network, to really get to many new people. I'm hoping taking classes will help alleviate that a bit.
Anywho. That's that. Life's going reasonably well in my futile little existence.
Contemplations of a Tainted Mind
8.18.2008
8.12.2008
Meandering Thoughts
It's hard to believe it's been an entire month since the last time I've updated. My grasp on time is faulty, at best, it seems.. and it's been rather grossly expounded upon the past couple weeks. Once I realized that 3 months had slid past, luckily, life slowed down momentarily. Reality has such a kind way of dragging you more slowly when you start yelling at it for going to fast.
I recently read a fascinating, 9-page writeup on ENTPs.. and it made me realize something. When it comes to MBTI, people assume far more similarities between the types than truly exist. A type is a pacakge, just because they have a function in the same spot as another type, it doesn't mean they're that similar in other respects. A type is the coherent synthesis of all 8 types in order of preference.. so if you muss with 4 of those functions, you're suddenly 50% different.
-- totally lost train of thought here --
So, an interesting thing that amuses me are two metaphors I've found myself using frequently. One is the Shotgun Metaphor. Because, well, it works. So, Dani and Mike are INTJ's. This is basically just like me, only all kinds of turned about. See, at every step where I'm ogling the world, they're staring at their pancreas. Where I'm poking around the mushiness of my brain, they're humping fenceposts. (As a side note, I don't think there's any sort of plural form of Pancreas. Weird.) Anywho, the point here is that where all of my lovely INxx friends use, effectually, sniper rifles, I prefer to use a Shotgun. Where they want one target, I want as many targets as I can conceivably get in one shot. The downside to this is that I tend to intake a lot of crap. The upside is that I tend to get things they miss. You get more good with the bad when you're trying to get everything.
I find this metaphor interesting because it very accurately describes how I approach numerous things compared to all 4 of my closest friends. They all tend towards more specificity in what they do. I tend towards more generality.
The other metaphor is that of Atlas. I don't know why, but that's kind of what my whole life feels like right now. Instead of the world, though, it's like I'm trying to lift an intricate network of threads of varying sizes. Each thread being some important aspect to my life.. and I feel like I'm trying to lift this whole network of them simultaneously, because I can't really do it individually. It strikes me as being a rather herculean affair, heh.
I recently read a fascinating, 9-page writeup on ENTPs.. and it made me realize something. When it comes to MBTI, people assume far more similarities between the types than truly exist. A type is a pacakge, just because they have a function in the same spot as another type, it doesn't mean they're that similar in other respects. A type is the coherent synthesis of all 8 types in order of preference.. so if you muss with 4 of those functions, you're suddenly 50% different.
-- totally lost train of thought here --
So, an interesting thing that amuses me are two metaphors I've found myself using frequently. One is the Shotgun Metaphor. Because, well, it works. So, Dani and Mike are INTJ's. This is basically just like me, only all kinds of turned about. See, at every step where I'm ogling the world, they're staring at their pancreas. Where I'm poking around the mushiness of my brain, they're humping fenceposts. (As a side note, I don't think there's any sort of plural form of Pancreas. Weird.) Anywho, the point here is that where all of my lovely INxx friends use, effectually, sniper rifles, I prefer to use a Shotgun. Where they want one target, I want as many targets as I can conceivably get in one shot. The downside to this is that I tend to intake a lot of crap. The upside is that I tend to get things they miss. You get more good with the bad when you're trying to get everything.
I find this metaphor interesting because it very accurately describes how I approach numerous things compared to all 4 of my closest friends. They all tend towards more specificity in what they do. I tend towards more generality.
The other metaphor is that of Atlas. I don't know why, but that's kind of what my whole life feels like right now. Instead of the world, though, it's like I'm trying to lift an intricate network of threads of varying sizes. Each thread being some important aspect to my life.. and I feel like I'm trying to lift this whole network of them simultaneously, because I can't really do it individually. It strikes me as being a rather herculean affair, heh.
7.11.2008
Organizational Thoughts -- Introverted Thinking
So, I have a few interesting ideas on Introverted Thinking (Ti). Primarily Ti is your framework of classifications and categorizations. It is essentially your dictionary and thesaurus. When you see something, you look it up. If you want to know how two things relate, you use a thesaurus. Most people understand this much, the real question is how do you use it?
I primarily use my Introverted Thinking in close association with my Extraverted Intuition. I will attempt to excise the one from the other as much as possible, but I can't make any promises. I am, after all, a tad biased. Introverted Thinking is a series of Filters, Archetypes and Templates. These pieces are related to one another. These pieces, together with the threads of logic form the complete framework. This logic tends to be as objective as any person can truly be internally. We will start with the Filters.
Filters
Filters sit on the precipice of the unconscious. They decide if something is important enough to pass into the framework or if it is simply detritus that should be discarded. These filters tend to adjust and rearrange themselves, essentially forming sets, depending upon what kind of situation I'm in. If I'm driving a car, I pay attention to the signs along the road. If I'm reading a book, I ignore most of the world around me. As an aside, this is, hopefully, as close to the Perception side of my Ti-Ne complex as I get, as this is where the information is generally passed between the membranes. From these initial filters, the information then goes through hundreds of subconscious filters. The role of these filters is to categorize the data; each filter narrows the final location of the information until it has passed through every relevant filter and finally settles at its location in the framework.
At this point, I think you can see one of the two major distinguishing factors in how 'developed' Ti is in a person. With people who have a substantially lower preference for Ti than those that do, I suspect that these filters tend to either not always be accurate or they tend to have far fewer and thus do a much worse job of categorization. For instance, say you see the color purple but have a filter which decides 'red' or 'blue'. This could cause an issue and wind up misplacing 'purple' in the overall framework. That is, of course, a grossly simplistic comparison, but I feel it is one that makes the point. These filters generally can be anything from simple boolean ordeals to massive logic gates that have dozens of requirements and exclusions.
Archetypes
An archetype is defined as the original from which others are copied. In this instance, Archetypes define how you frame your world. They are the scaffolds of the mental framework. From my own history, Archetypes tend to be represented by articles in the real world. Each place in my framework is derived from the interaction of these Archetypes. The interesting thing about these is that as we gather empirical data and build the framework, we eventually 'evolve' new archetypes from our knowledge. The end result tends to be that once the Introverted Thinking has received enough evidence, it will build a new niche for a given bit of knowledge.
These units exist because we need something to base the rest of our knowledge from. They are, effectually, the seeds that have grown our tree of knowledge. In most instances, one of the largest differences between two people seems to derive from the conflict between completely different perspectives. These perspectives can be defined by the archetypes a person has chosen to use in his or her rational framework. Archetypes tend to govern how we truly view the world around us. As near as I can tell, all things we perceive and internalize are defined within ourselves as a set of differences and relations with our Archetypes. When we meet a person that cannot fit within an Archetype, they appear to be entirely alien and almost impossible to truly understand.
Templates
Now, to refine the view from Archetype to Real Information, the Filters aren't just enough. Templates are created by Ti as packages of Filters and Relationships. A template has a set of requirements to fit into it, which are based from its core filters. But once those requirements are realized, the mind extrapolates the rest of the information and fills in the details, essentially bypassing a portion of the filtering system. The second major function of these templates is relational. These templates are compound differences from archetypes and other templates. For instance, the template for 'human' is part of 'mammal' but distinct from 'fish'.
Let's say that I have an apple. When I first view this apple, my mind is collecting the discrete details of it, gathering its shape, skin, and color. These details all flow into my mind and pool, ready for the functions to take over. It is at this point that the Introverted Thinking snaps up these details and starts to place them into the framework. It takes the templates and realizes that this object is an apple. Now, because it's an apple, it then realizes that it is also a fruit, a plant, edible, and numerous other categorical and relational details.
These templates and archetypes are the second major signifying factor between people who strongly prefer Introverted Thinking and those who don't. The more a person uses and interacts with this category and relation framework, the more templates and archetypes they build up. Additionally, they become far more accurate and altogether quicker at working.
Final Thoughts
In some sense, this accuracy is the same as tasting a million bananas so you know for certain what just one will taste like. As this whole framework gathers its data, it refines each point until it can start guessing other points more effectively. It’s a very continuous, self-correcting process. In terms of communication, it also likes to cause the largest problems. When you’ve learned to define a given word with a given concept or abstraction, you generally assume that most people will have similar definitions. You certainly can’t assume they’re identical, but that they’re at least similar enough to function coherently together. Unfortunately, this is what causes a frequent breakdown. Definitions often vary wildly, where three people may use the same word in three complete different and dynamic ways. This can cause conflict, as while the definitions are rarely opposite, they are different enough to cause severe confusion.
Finally, there needs to be awareness that Introverted Thinking simply handles how the knowledge is processed inside the mind. It builds the framework, and it provides the details for the current subject. Unfortunately, it has no direct connection to observing the either the exterior or interior worlds, and as such its uses are only as good as the information it is fed. So, perhaps another time, I might delve into the recesses of the perceptual half of the complex that is Ti-Ne. Unfortunately, for now, this is what I have for you.
I primarily use my Introverted Thinking in close association with my Extraverted Intuition. I will attempt to excise the one from the other as much as possible, but I can't make any promises. I am, after all, a tad biased. Introverted Thinking is a series of Filters, Archetypes and Templates. These pieces are related to one another. These pieces, together with the threads of logic form the complete framework. This logic tends to be as objective as any person can truly be internally. We will start with the Filters.
Filters
Filters sit on the precipice of the unconscious. They decide if something is important enough to pass into the framework or if it is simply detritus that should be discarded. These filters tend to adjust and rearrange themselves, essentially forming sets, depending upon what kind of situation I'm in. If I'm driving a car, I pay attention to the signs along the road. If I'm reading a book, I ignore most of the world around me. As an aside, this is, hopefully, as close to the Perception side of my Ti-Ne complex as I get, as this is where the information is generally passed between the membranes. From these initial filters, the information then goes through hundreds of subconscious filters. The role of these filters is to categorize the data; each filter narrows the final location of the information until it has passed through every relevant filter and finally settles at its location in the framework.
At this point, I think you can see one of the two major distinguishing factors in how 'developed' Ti is in a person. With people who have a substantially lower preference for Ti than those that do, I suspect that these filters tend to either not always be accurate or they tend to have far fewer and thus do a much worse job of categorization. For instance, say you see the color purple but have a filter which decides 'red' or 'blue'. This could cause an issue and wind up misplacing 'purple' in the overall framework. That is, of course, a grossly simplistic comparison, but I feel it is one that makes the point. These filters generally can be anything from simple boolean ordeals to massive logic gates that have dozens of requirements and exclusions.
Archetypes
An archetype is defined as the original from which others are copied. In this instance, Archetypes define how you frame your world. They are the scaffolds of the mental framework. From my own history, Archetypes tend to be represented by articles in the real world. Each place in my framework is derived from the interaction of these Archetypes. The interesting thing about these is that as we gather empirical data and build the framework, we eventually 'evolve' new archetypes from our knowledge. The end result tends to be that once the Introverted Thinking has received enough evidence, it will build a new niche for a given bit of knowledge.
These units exist because we need something to base the rest of our knowledge from. They are, effectually, the seeds that have grown our tree of knowledge. In most instances, one of the largest differences between two people seems to derive from the conflict between completely different perspectives. These perspectives can be defined by the archetypes a person has chosen to use in his or her rational framework. Archetypes tend to govern how we truly view the world around us. As near as I can tell, all things we perceive and internalize are defined within ourselves as a set of differences and relations with our Archetypes. When we meet a person that cannot fit within an Archetype, they appear to be entirely alien and almost impossible to truly understand.
Templates
Now, to refine the view from Archetype to Real Information, the Filters aren't just enough. Templates are created by Ti as packages of Filters and Relationships. A template has a set of requirements to fit into it, which are based from its core filters. But once those requirements are realized, the mind extrapolates the rest of the information and fills in the details, essentially bypassing a portion of the filtering system. The second major function of these templates is relational. These templates are compound differences from archetypes and other templates. For instance, the template for 'human' is part of 'mammal' but distinct from 'fish'.
Let's say that I have an apple. When I first view this apple, my mind is collecting the discrete details of it, gathering its shape, skin, and color. These details all flow into my mind and pool, ready for the functions to take over. It is at this point that the Introverted Thinking snaps up these details and starts to place them into the framework. It takes the templates and realizes that this object is an apple. Now, because it's an apple, it then realizes that it is also a fruit, a plant, edible, and numerous other categorical and relational details.
These templates and archetypes are the second major signifying factor between people who strongly prefer Introverted Thinking and those who don't. The more a person uses and interacts with this category and relation framework, the more templates and archetypes they build up. Additionally, they become far more accurate and altogether quicker at working.
Final Thoughts
In some sense, this accuracy is the same as tasting a million bananas so you know for certain what just one will taste like. As this whole framework gathers its data, it refines each point until it can start guessing other points more effectively. It’s a very continuous, self-correcting process. In terms of communication, it also likes to cause the largest problems. When you’ve learned to define a given word with a given concept or abstraction, you generally assume that most people will have similar definitions. You certainly can’t assume they’re identical, but that they’re at least similar enough to function coherently together. Unfortunately, this is what causes a frequent breakdown. Definitions often vary wildly, where three people may use the same word in three complete different and dynamic ways. This can cause conflict, as while the definitions are rarely opposite, they are different enough to cause severe confusion.
Finally, there needs to be awareness that Introverted Thinking simply handles how the knowledge is processed inside the mind. It builds the framework, and it provides the details for the current subject. Unfortunately, it has no direct connection to observing the either the exterior or interior worlds, and as such its uses are only as good as the information it is fed. So, perhaps another time, I might delve into the recesses of the perceptual half of the complex that is Ti-Ne. Unfortunately, for now, this is what I have for you.
7.10.2008
Quick Recap.. Philosophy in Schools
The problem with routine is that the more consistent your schedule, the quicker time slips past. It's been far, far too long since I've last posted. I started writing a post on Introverted Thinking, but it's since stalled. It was getting absurdly long, truth be told. I may review it, chop it up, and post it in chunks.
So, registration for Classes at Columbus State starts in less than two weeks. July 23rd, to be exact. Once James gets his transcripts from DeVry, hopefully we'll be able to head down there to take their little placement tests. Once that's done, I'll be registering for the basic classes. Probably English 111 and Humanities 111. In addition to the stupid little Freshman Seminar they make people take. It was useless at OSU, it'll likely be even more useless at CSCC.
I've solidified on pursuing both English and Philosophy. I think I would enjoy a position as a Game writer but I think I've found my higher calling, if you will. I have a deep need to help move Philosophy a step forward.. it is in a sad state currently, widely disregarded and almost disrespected. The ethical state of our country's corporations is just pitiful. Our students.. they are indoctrinated by our schools to become mindless sheep. Taught to be pure simpletons. If there is nothing else I can do in my life, I will try to coerce more people into asking themselves 'Why?'. This question is emotionally bludgeoned from our minds as small children, and we are accosted from youth whenever we ask it. What those who would teach our children desperately need to realize is that if you can't answer 'Why', then you have no right answering 'How'. We need to foster the analytical mind in our children, to coax them into asking 'Why' more frequently.
Now, before someone decides to become a smart ass and ask me 'Why', it's simple. To have a complete understanding of some concept, abstract or elsewise, you must explore it. Exploration is inherently the act of asking 'Why', of questioning. We are doing our children a sincere injustice by slowly squeezing this curiosity out of them.
So, registration for Classes at Columbus State starts in less than two weeks. July 23rd, to be exact. Once James gets his transcripts from DeVry, hopefully we'll be able to head down there to take their little placement tests. Once that's done, I'll be registering for the basic classes. Probably English 111 and Humanities 111. In addition to the stupid little Freshman Seminar they make people take. It was useless at OSU, it'll likely be even more useless at CSCC.
I've solidified on pursuing both English and Philosophy. I think I would enjoy a position as a Game writer but I think I've found my higher calling, if you will. I have a deep need to help move Philosophy a step forward.. it is in a sad state currently, widely disregarded and almost disrespected. The ethical state of our country's corporations is just pitiful. Our students.. they are indoctrinated by our schools to become mindless sheep. Taught to be pure simpletons. If there is nothing else I can do in my life, I will try to coerce more people into asking themselves 'Why?'. This question is emotionally bludgeoned from our minds as small children, and we are accosted from youth whenever we ask it. What those who would teach our children desperately need to realize is that if you can't answer 'Why', then you have no right answering 'How'. We need to foster the analytical mind in our children, to coax them into asking 'Why' more frequently.
Now, before someone decides to become a smart ass and ask me 'Why', it's simple. To have a complete understanding of some concept, abstract or elsewise, you must explore it. Exploration is inherently the act of asking 'Why', of questioning. We are doing our children a sincere injustice by slowly squeezing this curiosity out of them.
5.21.2008
Thoughts about the Future
I'm alive, albeit barely some days. I'm slowly massaging myself, I think, into a fair routine in regards to it. I come in, I do my job.. I do the immediate work they ask for, and trawl about for other work to keep myself busy with the rest of the day. Hopefully, it'll be enough to get myself through school. I've been thinking, as I tend to, and I've decided I do want to pursue a degree in English. Resources willing, I'd even like to continue on to get a BA in Philosophy. This weekend, phase one of my room will be completed. It's remarkably clean right now, and we're buying basic supplies for a new desk sometime this weekend. We'll get that assembled and, hopefully, I'll have my workspace ready.
Y'see, I've realized that it's hard to do any honest work in a cluttered atmosphere. At least, for me it is.. I don't know why. So, I now have a goal.. a plan, of sorts. I've got a budget flowing, reasonably well. I'm not doing the best that I could to stick to it, but I enjoy my creature comforts. Oh well. I'm not real sure, necessarily, what I want to do after I manage to get through school, but I do know that it entails something in the publishing sphere. A couple possibilities I've been entertaining are doing something Mike wants to do.. teaching English. In Japan. Yeah. A BA in English is pretty much the exact credential one could possibly want to do that. I want to write, and maybe, if I'm luckily, I'll manage to pull something publishable out of my arse in the next few years. Flexing my social network has made me realize something astounding. All of my contacts, all of my friends, all of my connections.. they're all creatives. There is very little by way of truly technical.. force, I guess, in my network. This amuses greatly.
Finally, for those that are curious about how I might really reconcile my passions, well.. I figured that out today. I'll do what I've always done.. write for games. See, I've always loved writing story, missions, quests, whatnot for games. Ideally, then, I might get a job as a writer in the game industry. Just a thought. Anywho, it's bedtime, so yeah.
Y'see, I've realized that it's hard to do any honest work in a cluttered atmosphere. At least, for me it is.. I don't know why. So, I now have a goal.. a plan, of sorts. I've got a budget flowing, reasonably well. I'm not doing the best that I could to stick to it, but I enjoy my creature comforts. Oh well. I'm not real sure, necessarily, what I want to do after I manage to get through school, but I do know that it entails something in the publishing sphere. A couple possibilities I've been entertaining are doing something Mike wants to do.. teaching English. In Japan. Yeah. A BA in English is pretty much the exact credential one could possibly want to do that. I want to write, and maybe, if I'm luckily, I'll manage to pull something publishable out of my arse in the next few years. Flexing my social network has made me realize something astounding. All of my contacts, all of my friends, all of my connections.. they're all creatives. There is very little by way of truly technical.. force, I guess, in my network. This amuses greatly.
Finally, for those that are curious about how I might really reconcile my passions, well.. I figured that out today. I'll do what I've always done.. write for games. See, I've always loved writing story, missions, quests, whatnot for games. Ideally, then, I might get a job as a writer in the game industry. Just a thought. Anywho, it's bedtime, so yeah.
5.06.2008
I'm back at the Hill.
So, it's been awhile since I've posted. Been busy. Catching up with stuff, getting back to work, etc etc. I'm here, at work, back at International CS. There's even less work now than there was before I left. So, I've got another one of those silly little dilemnas I get into.. this one, I suspect, is a small bit unique and doesn't really have much long-ranging impact necessarily nor obviously.
There is a full-time position open here, for a regular Domestic HEP Customer Service. My supervisor suggested I apply for it, as it would get me into the actual company. Now, I would rather work here in International, but HR won't hire on any additional people for this department. So I'm this weird sort of non-proto-employee for us.
So, this is how it goes. I currently work as a temporary for International. I can apply for a position in Domestic HEP. If I get it, I might eventually be able to transfer back over to International, rejoining the group for a third time. If I don't get that job, I will remain a temp in International. Now, say I do get it, but can't transfer. Then there's this issue that I may get extremely frustrated working in Domestic HEP. It's very boring, very simple, and fairly busy. International is essentially the opposite. There are many interesting personalities to deal with, there are multiple layers of complexity beyond regular orders, and it's fairly slow. If I, say, get the job in Domestic HEP, I may well end up trapped there. The unfortunate part, is that if I don't get it, I also may end up here as a temp for the foreseeable future. I'm not particularly sure what to do at this point.. any advice is wholly welcome.
More later, I'm sure.
There is a full-time position open here, for a regular Domestic HEP Customer Service. My supervisor suggested I apply for it, as it would get me into the actual company. Now, I would rather work here in International, but HR won't hire on any additional people for this department. So I'm this weird sort of non-proto-employee for us.
So, this is how it goes. I currently work as a temporary for International. I can apply for a position in Domestic HEP. If I get it, I might eventually be able to transfer back over to International, rejoining the group for a third time. If I don't get that job, I will remain a temp in International. Now, say I do get it, but can't transfer. Then there's this issue that I may get extremely frustrated working in Domestic HEP. It's very boring, very simple, and fairly busy. International is essentially the opposite. There are many interesting personalities to deal with, there are multiple layers of complexity beyond regular orders, and it's fairly slow. If I, say, get the job in Domestic HEP, I may well end up trapped there. The unfortunate part, is that if I don't get it, I also may end up here as a temp for the foreseeable future. I'm not particularly sure what to do at this point.. any advice is wholly welcome.
More later, I'm sure.
4.18.2008
Wewt.
I love it when I make a bet, and my bet sounds true. My financials equalized out today, finally. See? This proves well and for all that I could have survived. 4 Days before my return flight, and I'm on stable money again. Since I doubt anyone actually realizes what that -means-, basically it is as such. All of my bills are now paid through the month of April, this includes my $119 check to the Dept of Ed that comes out on the 15th (It just cleared today.), my $149.91 bill for Speakeasy, due on the 23rd, and both credit card payments. Also, I am paying an extra $50 against my Orchard Bank credit card, my Payday advance loan through US Bank has sprang back from a $120 limit to $500, and I have enough cash to survive effectively. So, of course, I will immediately completely disrupt my finances again by spending a week and a half out of work. Woo for Financial Masochism xD.
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